I am the burrito wrapped up in a blanket. Eat my warmth.


“My erection at noon causes an elongated shadow so black you’d think I was an al…”

“Agatha told me she was late, and I thought, I haven’t slept with her in years—s…”

“With 87 other Elvis impersonators, I’m going to take over the world. Starting w…”

“Here’s a list in no particular order: chaos, confusion, and disorganization.”