I am the washing machine of love. And if you have no idea what I mean, maybe it’s time to let some laundry into your life.

“If you’re going to hold a grudge, at least put on an oven mitt before you pick …”

“I look at a woman’s shoes, not to tell how sexy she is, but to determine how se…”

“US highways are in such disrepair that instead of repaving, they should just mo…”

“A brick is what the aliens gave me to communicate with them. It’s easy to opera…”