I am three forks away from eating all your food with two homeless guys. It’s too bad I only have a suitcase full of spoons and a bucket of soy sauce.

“Her name is Faith, or that’s what I believe it to be.”

“Politicians think the only way out of a hole is to keep digging.”

“Every morning I think: What’s the latest I can sleep in ‘til, and still be on t…”

“I called my father, but he pretended to be sleeping at first, then claimed not …”