I asked her to wear something revealing, so she showed up in a prophet's toga.

“Fruit punch is better than a sucker punch—but quick, flex your abs.”

“I’m a tiger made out of a paper towel, and I’m going to wipe you out.”

“I wrote half this book (the left half) while I was asleep, and I wrote the othe…”

“I love running. I’m not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an a…”