I blew the love trumpet until my cheeks were blue. Then I paid 34 bucks for a taxicab ride home so I could admire my receding hairline in the mirror.

“Sometimes love feels thinner, even though it’s the same width as before.”

“I gave her a Boston cream pie, even though we were in Seattle at the time.”

“I like wearing earth tones, and ties with little shovels stitched on. I stitche…”

“If I spent as much time as I did money, I’d be dead tomorrow.”