I bought two items to get a third free, and then I returned the two. I should be Shopper of the Year

“If I exhaled parachutes, I might breathe from great heights.”

“My girlfriend just bought me a portable toaster. And my birthday’s coming up, s…”

“I’d rather be the fastest runner than the best fighter. But then I am a supreme…”

“We couldn’t make love, unfortunately, because she was dead. I didn’t kill her, …”