I bowl like I masturbate: with two hands. I should run for Congress.

“Bricks could be used to feed the homeless. But why not use those bricks to buil…”

“I saw my hero. He was standing at the urinal next to mine. I didn’t know what t…”

“A book is a vacation for the mind. My books will take you inside my mind, so fe…”

“Are you happy to be standing here with me? Because if not, we can scoot over si…”