I call masturbating “Gregging,” named not after a man named Greg, but a guy named Dave.

“I made love to a woman who didn’t exist, and I can’t remember how it didn’t fee…”

“The decision to empty my mind was a no-brainer.
”

“Fornication: Do it for the kids. Just not at their birthday parties.”

“I dance like I have a chip on my shoulder. I dance salsa.”