I can tell time, but I can’t tell time to stop or fuck off.

“I want to grow a Loyalty Beard, to prove my commitment to my favorite shaving c…”

“I’d be afraid of a man with two shadows, because that man is my clone, and he p…”

“Though my stomach is only the size of a pea, I could eat two politicians’ brain…”

“Surfers catch waves, and so do people being told goodbye.”