I can’t tell my ass from a hole in the ground. Especially if that hole is hairy and emits foul odors.

“I like my eggs sunny side up at midnight, and I wear sunglasses when I eat them…”

“Jarod Kintz is a friend, a lover, and a loner. Jarod Kintz talks about Jarod Ki…”

“I want to meet a woman named Sherry who only drinks brandy, and a woman named B…”

“Of all the pessimistic people, I am the most optimistic. I look forward to look…”