I collect collect calls from the 80s. I prefer them in mint condition, meaning the phone's still ringing.

“If facial expressions had fur, then I’d snuggle your sneer. It’s so ugly it’s c…”

“I was hot so I gave myself a haircut. I then saw a bald man sweating, so I offe…”

“Your deodorant smells like my armpit. And yet I get no royalty from the manufac…”

“Ignoring a problem is the same as being ignorant of it.”