I could be the best lover you’ll ever have. Maybe not the best in bed, but I could be the best conversationalist. It’s called “pillow talk” for a reason, because most men fall asleep right after sex, leaving the pillow as the only thing a woman has to talk to.

“If you try a joke a second time and nobody laughs, don’t tell a different joke—…”

“Whenever you have a goal, it's a good idea to have both a plan A and a back-up …”

“I have bread, water, and love—what more can a man ask for? How about pasta, win…”

“Dark Jar Tin Zoo’s face is sallow, his cheeks sunk in, and he looks like Edvard…”