I could save money if I ate my coworker’s pussy for lunch, rather than going to a restaurant.

“I am not a professionally trained professional. I am an amateur professional!”

“With that shirt you have on, you remind me of what you look like with no shirt …”

“I’m all out of beer like I’m all out of love. But I don’t drink beer, so who ca…”

“I talked to a mother of nine last night, and I thought, “Nine is nine years too…”