I could tell we were going to get along from the way he wiped his ass—on my tie.

“I think I just inhaled a cloud shaped like the ghost of my grandpa, and all I h…”

“I haven’t the faintest idea how babies are born, probably because I fainted on …”

“Sometimes a symbol holds more power than the thing it represents. Like the symb…”

“I don’t want a home, but I do want to buy a lot that I like a lot.”