I cried so hard after I put my cat to sleep. I guess I shouldn’t have cried so hard, because with all my sobbing, I ended up waking it up.

“My ashtray is full, the carton of cigarettes is empty, and I just cremated gran…”

“I put the “Dan” in Danger. I’m sorry, Dan.”

“I want to be the guy who the guy you admire admires. I hope his name is Guy, be…”

“I’ll let you see the door is open, so you know I’m open to the idea that you ca…”