I dated an IRS agent, and I cheated on her. Not with a woman, but on my taxes.

“A blanket could be used to foil slave traders. But so could tinfoil and leftove…”

“Life is short. But so are midgets.”

“Night—it’s the only thing that will cover up one of my black moods. Good thing …”

“So you made a mistake. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Let me beat you up inste…”