I don’t mind waiting rooms. I’m waiting on the love of my life, so I may as well have a seat, right?

“When I feel sad, I try to think of someone else in the world who is suffering w…”

“The phrase “Rat you out” is offensive because it’s not offensive enough. It sho…”

“For me, a website would be user friendly if it gave me a handjob. It’d be doubl…”

“A blanket could be used to catch a hippopotamus. But you try it out first, and …”