I don’t understand open relationships. My relationship is like a normal business at 5:01 pm: very much closed.

“The hamper didn’t hamper my ability to hide midgets. If anything, it enhanced i…”

“I just realized my lips are inside out. They should be turned inwards, because …”

“Gin is a confusing drink. It’s the only liquid that’s both wet and dry.”

“I could only read the word because of the discoloration on the wall from the ac…”