I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.


“I called for backup, but they didn’t put the car in reverse.”

“I am the lingering blinker clicking rhythmically long after the dotted line has…”

“I need to get my wedding ring resized, because it still fits tight around my ne…”

“To me, the most confusing part about golf is that I don’t know whether I’d rath…”