I don’t want to find the Fountain of Youth, because I’m searching for the Fountain of Wisdom. The last time I thought I found its location, some jerk snuck up behind me and flushed away its contents before I had my straw out and could even take one sip. Damn fool.

“I’d like to play a game of Marco Polo—in the 13th century.”

“I’ve got hair in my mouth, because I replaced my teeth with my cat. This makes …”

“An apple’s core principle it to not get eaten. And who wants to eat the core of…”

“I want to open up a counter-culture club. It’ll be anti-established in 2012.”