I found panties in the chimney, and they’re not mine. They must belong to a fire crotch.

“I buy all my socks with holes in them. Otherwise, how would I get my feet in th…”

“You know who you remind me of? Your clone.”

“I decorated my ballsack in his honor. I wrote, “Welcome home, dad.”

“Cats are like walking brooms you can actually comfortably cuddle with.”