I got my girlfriend knocked up. Next time I’ll ring the doorbell before I enter. I think we’re about to witness the birth of a new me.

“Don’t chop off your fingers because you have an itch. That’d be dumb. Instead, …”

“The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is it’s …”

“Yesterday led me to today, which will lead me to tomorrow. Follow me, but stay …”

“Governments are nothing more than elaborate Rube Goldberg apparatuses, operatin…”