I had no direction until I merged into the left lane. Some people find God. I found my blinker.

“If given the choice, I’d take five ones over a five-dollar bill, because women …”

“My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap yo…”

“I am the alligator of love. But I’d make better boots than a lover.”

“I want a beard as white as snow, and two feet deep.”