I have a nervous lips tick, so naturally I try to cover it up with lipstick.

“I work at a newspaper. I’m not a journalist; I’m a deliveryman. Well I will be,…”

“Call me Clyde. Call me Dale. Call me a Clydesdale.”

“If I were an armadillo, and a stranger came up and said I looked familiar, and …”

“You know what’s not funny? Funny bones. No, at best they are only mildly amusin…”