I have a rough marriage. It feels like sandpaper, only not as soft and gentle on the anus.

“You haven’t lived until you’ve wiped your ass with a pile of sand. Toilet paper…”

“I’d like to write a screenplay about my grandpa, and I’d like my future grandso…”

“The government is so efficient it often takes two people to do the work of one.…”

“I don’t know how to make a U Turn. It’s so curvy and it’s already completely tu…”