I have extremely great aim when it comes to peeing. I can, for instance, manage to not splash a single drop on the rim of the toilet, even when standing five feet away and from behind the shower curtain.

“What you consider gross—dead rats—I consider considerate gifts.”

“To take another person’s life for personal gain is the most selfish act imagina…”

“I wish success could be ordered like delivery pizza, because I’d order take out.”

“A brick could be used to build a future with me. Come, let’s start a life toget…”