I have no auditory depth perception. She said, “I love you,” and I couldn’t even tell if she was 300 miles away, or 6 feet below my feet and 300 years away.

“Feathers blowing in the wind is no more a bird than a pile of crumpled up recei…”

“If I were as tall as the day is night, I’d be a midget.”

“This is the true story of my life, as told by a complete liar (me). While that …”

“I surround myself with salt, so it soaks up the humidity from my steamy solo lo…”