I have two friends, Steve and Martin. But I'd happily replace both for the friendship of Steve Martin.

“Love is like a banana, and I keep it in my pocket on cold days to warm up my ha…”

“I close my eyes and feel the texture of brick on my fingers in my mind. I try t…”

“If love had feathers and tasted like dog food, then I suggest you wear shoes wi…”

“Bah, Alzheimer’s. Grandma wouldn’t be so forgetful if she didn’t always have di…”