I haven't met many lawyers that I didn't like. But then again, I haven't met many lawyers.

“I added five shots to my coffee, because that’s all the bullets my magazine can…”

“Sandwiches come in shrink-wrap—therefore, I must masturbate with gloves on. Lun…”

“A brick could be used as a blanket, if you’re a roach or politician. Warmth can…”

“A person’s favorite word is brother, because he or she can relate to it. I love…”