I hit a car, but it wasn’t my fault. The bicyclist who rear ended me is to blame.

“I play the only instrument that takes in music rather than propelling it out: t…”

“To make my meal in a box taste better, I decided to tweak the logo, rather than…”

“I’d like to play a game of Marco Polo—in the 13th century.”

“I put the “Dan” in Danger. I’m sorry, Dan.”