I hope you enjoy reading my book as much as I didn’t enjoy writing it. Just kidding! I hope you don’t enjoy it at all.

“I love like an albino. But I don’t want to get sunburned, so would you please p…”

“My armpits smell like a baboon belch, which doesn’t make me want to shower, as …”

“If I knew beforehand that I’d need a good backhand, I’d never have taken up ten…”

“If I were a robot, and I got cheated on with a vacuum cleaner, I’d question my …”