I hung a large pizza over my window, because it was more delicious than curtains.

“In the middle I want to be at the end, at the end I want to be in the beginning…”

“The only other man I’d let see my wife’s naked body is the butcher.”

“My baby nephew is a real ladies man. He doesn't need to pick up women. They pic…”

“My penis is like a wet noodle, only not as thick. Or tasty.”