I invited my girlfriend over and made her dinner. I didn’t cook, but I did eat her.

“My name is Al, but it’s not Al Falfa. You can’t eat me, damnit. At least not le…”

“I put the “phony” in symphony. Will you be attending my fake concert? It’s a bl…”

“Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a specia…”

“Can you break my five-dollar bill into five singles? Women love guys with lots …”