I just peed in the sink. Why? Because there was already somebody in the bathtub.

“A new poll found that 84% of American people were disgusted by Congress, and my…”

“A brick could be inserted in your chest in place of your heart. And for just a …”

“If the word "committee" were an acronym, the two "T"s would stand for time trav…”

“I’m for a big government. A big government contraction.”