I like the New York Times. I only wish it were softer, and more like toilet paper.

“It’s 3:32, and I need just one more ingredient to finish baking 3:33. Would you…”

“When you see my skill with a brick, you’ll think I’m skilled under the blanket.…”

“I want to laugh hysterically into a bucket of water, have my humor imprinted on…”

“We have no secrets from each other, though sometimes I wish some things were mo…”