I like to hike in state parks, but one thing I can’t stand is pants. So I don’t wear any. My wallet is tube shaped. Can you guess where I keep it?

“Would you mind terribly if instead of serving desert, I masturbated quietly at …”

“A brick could be used to cut things. The duller the object, the sharper the use…”

“I could fuck on my back like 4:44. But I don’t. I do it like 3:33.”

“Dear Miss Hummingbird,
The leaves are turning green now, but not with envy. But…”