I like watching people stretch in the park. It's my new favorite pastime since I bought a portable rack.

“Lie to me. Just to console my soul.”

“I let wine breathe. And I hold my breathe, so it can get all the air.”

“I should charge my bank money every time I endorse the back of a check. What is…”

“If I ever get a 20-dollar bill, I like to convert it into 20 singles, because w…”