I love running. I’m not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate.

“If love came in a cardboard tube, I’d probably send it priority mail. But I’d m…”

“The kitten I got is black and white and has long hair. Really long hair (think …”

“My name is Mr. Potatohead, and I’m looking for my wife. But I fear I’m too late…”

“I don’t call watches watches, I call them grasps, because one, they grasp onto …”