I managed to beat Michael Phelps’ 400 meter IM time. And not only did I beat his time, but I did it in exactly 200 meters.

“This is my logo for Kintz”

“In high school they called me “Pizza Face.” Not because I had bad acne, though …”

“I’m a tiger made out of a paper towel, and I’m going to wipe you out.”

“I am the Wheelbarrow of Love. Let me get back to work.”