I may not be the greatest American, but I am a better American than all the people born in Canada that still live in Canada. I wish Justin Bieber were one of those people.

“And out came an insult with the velocity of a whisper. But I could see I offend…”

“I think a funny picture would have a caption that read, “Believe in yourself,” …”

“Who leads the world in consumption? America! Who has more lawyers per capita? A…”

“In the Tunnel of Desire, past the Tube of Destiny, lies the Turtle of Doubt. We…”