I met a man named Birthday. I didn’t tell him when I was born, because I thought that that one day in my life, a day I don’t even remember, might define his own identity, and I didn’t want to make him cry.

“People complain the president does nothing. I say stop complaining! Think how d…”

“Only a friend or a giraffe would stick his neck out for you. But only a giraffe…”

“Growing up, I used to use and apple instead of a baseball. It was just more fun…”

“I make ridiculous like I make damn sure nobody sees me while I’m making it.”