I need to dig a hole the size of the Grand Canyon to bury all of my problems.

“Eyes are shaped like leaves, mouths are shaped like leaves, and goodbyes are sh…”

“A brick could be used as a cuddle partner. Just glue some fur on it and voila! …”

“Earwax is nothing more than sound boogers. I’m too congested to hear anything b…”

“I want to be so successful that my secretary needs a secretary.”