I once said, “You put what you get, and you get what you put.” Now I’d like to disagree 180 degrees. In fact, I now think the exact reverse is true. You get what you put, and you put what you get.

“I can fly a plane, but I can’t fly a planet. Not without a seatbelt the size of…”

“Water is like love, but love is not like water. No, because if it were, I’d be …”

“A brick could be used as a substitute for the brother I never had. It seems rid…”

“I live in the armpit of the country. I can tell by how hairy and smelly and hil…”