I once went to a Russian restaurant called “Stalin’s Café.” All the items on the menu looked tempting, but after careful deliberation, I decided to order the cook to be sent to the gulag for what I took to be insubordination.

“If my voice sounded like a dial tone, people would probably hang up on me all t…”

“Which is more valuable into showing how I think: the order I think of things, o…”

“I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you couldn’t te…”

“I’m so old school I’m like a one-room schoolhouse—with no bathroom. I always ke…”