I plan on leaving my mark on this world, in ink, with a pen spill that’ll make all the oil spills combined look like literature.

“I wish trash were treasure, because then I’d be a garbage collector and king.”

“If your nipples were on your eyelids, then and only then would I give you eye c…”

“Earwax is nothing more than sound boogers. I’m too congested to hear anything b…”

“I can guess which car my boss drives. I’ll just look for the one with the hole …”