I refuse to dispense chewable advice for free. I’m not a bubblegum machine. No, my fees are 25 cents higher.

“I’m 6’3”, but you would think I was Napoleon’s height because I’m slouched over…”

“A blanket could be used to reaffirm your faith in God, though I’d suggest using…”

“I’m too busy to chew. That’s why I blend all my meals into smoothies, and I mak…”

“I’m not a good liar, and that makes me a good liar, because liars are bad, and …”