I run through all the positive character qualities in my mind, and assign myself a number from 1-10 on where I think I am on each. Surprisingly I score tens on each one until the last one, confidence, where I score myself a one.

“Please, allow me a moment to put my penis back where it belongs. I should never…”

“I think I have a strange thing growing out of my neck that causes me to think t…”

“I had a dream about you where you were an economic hero. So is the real life yo…”

“Your love is my candy, and I wouldn’t dream of trying to give it away to strang…”