I saw my hero. He was standing at the urinal next to mine. I didn’t know what to say, so I said, “How’s it hanging?” He replied, “Lower than yours.” Ha! That John Holmes is one funny guy.

“I met my girlfriend at a bar. But I broke up with her because she was already t…”

“I’m willing to die for the woman I love. I just want to take 75 years to do it.”

“I’m a nail biter. Not when I’m nervous, but when I misplace my hammer.”

“Is love a gift from heaven? If it is, it’s often wrapped in disinterest and rej…”