I stitched an itch to my side. As far as surgeries go, I’m just barely scratching the surface.

“The wind chime sounded like a spoon clanging against a cereal bowl, and I was g…”

“Bricks could have been used to stop Napoleon’s army from advancing into Russia.…”

“Inside my skull is a turtle shell. Inside the turtle shell is a rabbit. And ins…”

“If you were to stack up all the stupid things I’ve done, you couldn’t clean the…”