I suffer from tennis elbow. It’s an old masturbating injury from when I was training to go into politics.

“I want to be so successful that my secretary needs a secretary.”

“I made plans for 8:00. When my girlfriend told me she was late, I told her, “Th…”

“If I ever decide to kill you, you’d be the first to know about it. (And hopeful…”

“I’d love to create a personal profile on a dating site with a headline that rea…”